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Dec 11, 2017

When Lonely Do You Search for Others? Or Yourself?

By Yourself During the Holidays? Here’s How to Handle the Holidays Alone

I remember in my twenties, when I felt lonely I would go to a party on the weekend to take my mind off it and hopefully feel less lonely. But a strange thing occurred. I would stand in the middle of the party with a drink in my hand not understanding why I felt lonelier here amid all these people than I would at home alone.

This seemed mind-boggling to me.

What is loneliness and what creates that ache deep inside of each of us? It’s a question that many who face the holidays alone think about.

We often think we need companionship, a man or a woman in our lives to fill a void, but will they? Or are we unwittingly taking on even more problems by thinking another person is responsible for our happiness?

If we know that a person and party cannot solve loneliness, why do we first look to those outside of ourselves? When we date obsessively to find the right person, or we go from relationship to relationship in the hope that we will find that one magic person that will make it all better! I believe it is because we think that if we have someone to talk to that the loneliness will dissipate. And maybe it does for a moment, but it also returns like a vengeance, right?

I do believe human beings are made to socialize and bond together. It is part of our makeup. The good news, however, is that sadness of being alone is not caused by outside stimuli but by what is going on internally with you. When we turn inward, we face that nagging little voice that is critical of everything you do, but when you dig a bit deeper you will hear a lot in the silence of your being.

I can say from experience that I have been alone for long periods of my life, and I had the privilege of learning to listen to my internal silence, which in turn gave me lasting comfort. And I slowly came to the realization that you are never truly alone because you are with yourself. Whether you want to call it your soul or your being or any other word. We are so busy in this hectic world that it is very hard to listen to your own internal silence. But I truly guarantee that it communicates with you, but only when you are still and truly willing.

The word loneliness will never be thought of the same after you have learned to go silent!

Through trial and error, we try to figure out how to feel less alone. And through reading about others’ experiences we are able to connect that we too have the same feelings as described here on this page. And this, too, gives us solace to know we are not alone in feeling these complex feelings.

If you are single or find yourself alone during the holidays, my wish for you is that you will find the strength to go silent and search for the one person who will always be there for you—your inner self.